24 Aug But the friend, if he is obliged to mention the matter, relates it modestly, and says not a word about himself. (PLUTARCH)
For the favour done by a friend, as the principal strength of an animal is within, is not for display or ostentation, but frequently as a doctor cures his patient imperceptibly, so a friend benefits by his intervention, or by paying off creditors, or by managing his friend’s affairs, even though the person who receives the benefit may not be aware of it.
Such was the behaviour of Arcesilaus on various occasions, and when Apelles of Chios was ill, knowing his poverty, he took with him twenty drachmae when he visited him, and sitting down beside him he said, “There is nothing here but those elements of Empedocles,
‘fire and water and earth and balmy expanse of air,’
but you don’t lie very comfortably,”
and with that he moved his pillow, and privately put the money under it.
And when his old housekeeper found it, and wonderingly told Apelles of it, he laughed and said,
“This is some trick of Arcesilaus.”
And the saying is also true in philosophy that “children are like their parents.” For when Cephisocrates had to stand his trial on a bill of indictment,
Lacydes (who was an intimate friend of Arcesilaus) stood by him with several other friends, and when the prosecutor asked for his ring, which was the principal evidence against him, Cephisocrates quietly dropped it on the ground, and Lacydes noticing this put his foot on it and so hid it.
And after sentence was pronounced in his favour, Cephisocrates going up to thank the jury, one of them who had seen the artifice told him to thank Lacydes, and related to him all the matter, though Lacydes had not said a word about it to anybody.
So also I think the gods do often perform benefits secretly, taking a natural delight in bestowing their favours and bounties.
But the good service of the flatterer has no justice, or genuineness, or simplicity, or liberality about it; but is accompanied with sweat, and running about, and noise, and knitting of the brow, creating an impression and appearance of toilsome and bustling service, like a painting over-curiously wrought in bold colours, and with bent folds wrinkles and angles, to make the closer resemblance to life. Moreover he tires one by relating what journeys and anxieties he has had over the matter, how many enemies he has made over it, the thousand bothers and annoyances he has gone through, so that you say, “The affair was not worth all this trouble.”
For being reminded of any favour done to one is always unpleasant and disagreeable and insufferable: but the flatterer not only reminds us of his services afterwards, but even during the very moment of doing them upbraids us with them and is importunate.
But the friend, if he is obliged to mention the matter, relates it modestly, and says not a word about himself.
Not only is it handsome to do a favour in that way, but it is more pleasant to the receivers of it, because they think those who have done them the service have done it at no great loss to themselves.
Plutarch’s Morals
Plutarch
