21 May You can measure the levels of grandiosity in people in several simple ways (ROBERT GREENE)
You can measure the levels of grandiosity in people in several
simple ways. For instance, notice how people respond to criticism of
them or their work. It’s normal for any of us to feel defensive and a bit
upset when criticized. But some people become enraged and hysterical,
because we have called into doubt their sense of greatness. You can be
sure that such a person has high levels of grandiosity. Similarly, such
types might conceal their rage behind a martyred, pained expression
meant to make you feel guilty. The emphasis is not on the criticism
itself and what they need to learn but on their sense of grievance.
If people are successful, notice how they act in more private
moments. Are they able to relax and laugh at themselves, letting go of
their public mask, or have they so overidentified with their powerful
public image that it carries over into their private life? In the latter
case, they have come to believe in their own myth and are in the grip of
powerful grandiosity.
Grandiose people are generally big talkers. They take credit for
anything that is even tangential to their work; they invent past
successes. They talk of their prescience, how they foresaw certain
trends or predicted certain events, none of which can be verified. All
such talk should make you doubly dubious. If people in the public eye
suddenly say something that gets them into trouble for being
insensitive, you can ascribe that to their potent grandiosity. They are
so attuned to their own great opinions that they assume everyone else
will interpret them in the right spirit and agree with them.
Higher grandiose types generally display low levels of empathy.
They are not good listeners. When the attention is not on them, they
have a faraway look in their eyes and their fingers twitch with
impatience. Only when the spotlight is on them do they become
animated. They tend to see people as extensions of themselves—tools
to be used in their schemes, sources of attention. Finally, they exhibit
nonverbal behavior that can only be described as grandiose. Their
gestures are big and dramatic. At a meeting, they take up a lot of
personal space. Their voice tends to be louder than others, and they
speak at a fast pace, giving no one else time to interrupt.
With those who exhibit moderate amounts of grandiosity, you
should be indulgent. Almost all of us alternate between periods in
which we feel superior and great and others in which we come back
down to earth. Look for such moments of realism in people as signs of normalcy. But with those whose self-opinion is so high they cannot allow for any doubts, it is best to avoid relationships or entanglements.
In intimate relationships, they will tend to demand adoring one-sided attention. If they are employees, business partners, or bosses, they will oversell their skills. Their levels of confidence will distract you from the deficiencies in their ideas, work habits, and character. If you cannot avoid such a relationship, be aware of their tendency to feel certain about the success of their ideas, and maintain your skepticism.
Look at the ideas themselves and don’t get caught up in their seductive self-belief. Don’t entertain the illusion that you can confront them and try to bring them down to earth; you may trigger a rage response.
If such types happen to be your rivals, consider yourself lucky. They are easy to taunt and bait into overreactions. Casting doubts on their greatness will make them apoplectic and doubly irrational.
Finally, you will need to manage your own grandiose tendencies.
Grandiosity has some positive and productive uses. The exuberance and high self-belief that come from it can be channeled into your work and help inspire you. (See “Practical Grandiosity,” on this page, for more on this.) But in general it would be best for you to accept your limitations and work with what you have, rather than fantasize about godlike powers you can never attain. The greatest protection you can have against grandiosity is to maintain a realistic attitude. You know what subjects and activities you are naturally attracted to. You cannot be skilled at everything. You need to play to your strengths and not imagine you can be great at whatever you put your mind to.
You must have a thorough understanding of your energy levels, of how far you can reasonably push yourself, and of how this changes with age. And you must have a solid grasp on your social position—your allies, the people with whom you have the greatest rapport, the natural audience for your work. You cannot please everyone.
This self-awareness has a physical component to it that you must be sensitive to. When you are doing activities that mesh with your natural inclinations, you feel ease in the effort. You learn faster. You have more energy and you can withstand the tedium that comes with learning anything important. When you take on too much, more than you can handle, you feel not only exhausted but also irritable and nervous. You are prone to headaches. When you have success in life, you will naturally feel a touch of fear, as if the good fortune could disappear.
You sense with this fear the dangers that can come from rising too high (almost like vertigo) and feeling too superior. Your anxiety is telling you to come back down to earth. You want to listen to your body as it signals to you when you are working against your strengths.
In knowing yourself, you accept your limits. You are simply one person among many in the world, and not naturally superior to anyone. You are not a god or an angel but a flawed human like the rest of us. You accept the fact that you cannot control the people around you and no strategy is ever foolproof. Human nature is too unpredictable. With this self-knowledge and acceptance of limits you will have a sense of proportion. You will search for greatness in your work. And when you feel the pull to think more highly of yourself than is reasonable, this self-knowledge will serve as a gravity mechanism,pulling you back down and directing you toward the actions and decisions that will best serve your particular nature.
The laws of human nature
ROBERT GREENE
