12 Feb I trust someone means I believe in their worth as a human being (ICHIRO KISHIMI & FUMITAKE KOGA)
Trust” is believing in the other party with conditions. For example, when one borrows
money from a bank. It goes without
saying that the bank will not lend you
money unconditionally. They will ask
for some kind of collateral, such as
real estate or a guarantor, and give you
a loan that corresponds to the value of
that. And they’ll slap on the interest
too. This is an attitude of “we’ll lend to
you because we believe in the value of
the collateral you’ve given us,” not one
of “we’ll lend to you because we believe in you.” In other words, they
are not believing in “that person,” they
are believing in the “conditions” of
that person.
Trust is doing without any set
conditions whatsoever when believing
in others. Even though one might not
have sufficient grounds for believing,
one believes. One believes uncondi-
tionally without concerning oneself
with such things as collateral. That is
“confidence.” Instead of believing in
the “conditions” of that person, one believes in “that person.” You could
even say that one focuses not on
material worth, but on human worth. it is also to believe in
“oneself who believes in that person.”
Because how can one ask for anything
like collateral if one does not have
confidence in one’s own judgment? It
is a confidence in others that cannot
exist without self-confidence.
The life tasks of work,
friendship, and love that Adler up-
holds are delineated by the distance
and depth of our interpersonal relationships.
Right. Work relation-
ships are relationships of “trust,” and
friend relationships are relationships
of “confidence.”
Work relationships are
condition-based relationships that involve either some vested interest, or
external factors—cooperating with
someone because we happen to be at
the same company, for example. Or
there’s a person whose personality
you don’t like, but he’s someone you
do business with, so you maintain and
promote the relationship. But you
have no intention of maintaining that
relationship away from work. This is
truly a relationship of “trust” that is
formed as a result of the vested inter-
est that is your work. Regardless of
your individual preferences, you have
to form that relationship.
On the other hand, in friendship, there is no “reason to befriend this
person.” It is not a vested interest, and
neither is it a relationship that is com-
pelled by external factors. It is purely a
relationship formed out of the intrin-
sic motivation that “I like this person.”
To borrow the phrase you used earlier,
one is believing in “that person,” not
in the “conditions” of that person.
Clearly, friendship is a relationship of
“confidence.”
The Courage to Be Happy
ICHIRO KISHIMI & FUMITAKE KOGA
