24 Jun My wife tells me I ‘m kind of boring. What can I do? (OSHO)
Question 1:
BELOVED MASTER,
MY GIRLFRIEND TOLD ME I AM A LITTLE BORING, NOT VERY JUICY, VERY DEPENDENT AND A VICTIM. THEN I FELT VERY GUILTY AND DEPRESSED AND UTTERLY UNWORTHY. I BEGAN TO FEEL INSIDE ME A BIG NO: TOWARDS EXISTENCE, LIFE, LOVE, YOU. MEANWHILE I OBSERVED IN ME THIS DESTRUCTIVE ENERGY AND I FELT THAT I SOMEHOW ENJOYED IT!
BELOVED MASTER, IS IT POSSIBLE TO USE THIS ENERGY IN SOME CREATIVE WAY?
Anand Veetkam, your question is an example of the stupid conclusions that mind comes to. Perhaps you may not have looked into it and its contradictions. I would like to go into the very psychology of such questions. They are not only within you, they are within many. You are courageous to expose yourself.
The exposure begins, “My girlfriend told me I am a little boring.” Your girlfriend is very compassionate, because each man finally becomes very boring, not a little boring. Do you realize the fact that what you call love is a repetition, the same stupid gymnastics again and again? And in this whole stupid game the man is the loser. He is dissipating his energy, perspiring, huffing, puffing, and the girl keeps her eyes closed, thinking, “It is a question only of two or three minutes and this nightmare will be finished.”
People are so non-inventive that they take it for granted that going through the same actions is making them more interesting. That’s why I say your girlfriend is very compassionate – she only told you that you are a little boring. I say to you, you are utterly boring. When the Christian missionaries came to this country, people discovered that they knew only one posture of making love – the woman underneath and those ugly beasts on top of the delicate woman. In India that posture is called the missionary posture.
India is an ancient land and the birth place of many sciences, particularly sexology. A book of tremendous importance, by Vatsyayana, has been in existence for five thousand years. The name of the book is KAMASUTRAS, hints for making love. And it comes from a man of deep meditation – he has created eighty-four postures for lovemaking. Naturally the love posture should change; otherwise you are bound to be boring.
Vatsyayana recognizes the fact that the same love posture creates boredom, a feeling of utter stupidity, because you are always doing the same thing. He invented eighty-four postures to make the love life of couples a little interesting. Nobody in the whole world has written a book of the caliber of KAMASUTRAS. But it could only have come from a man of immense clarity, of deep meditativeness.
What is your lovemaking? If you look at your lovemaking, you yourself will feel that it is all boring.
And particularly for the woman it is more boring, because the man is finished in two or three minutes and the woman has not even started. And all around the world, cultures have enforced in the minds of women that they are not supposed even to enjoy or move or be playful – that is called ‘dirty’; prostitutes do it, not ladies. Ladies have to lie down almost dead and let that old guy do whatsoever he wants to do; it is nothing new, there is nothing new even to see.
You should not take it as a personal disrespect. Your girlfriend is telling you something really sincere and honest. Have you given her orgasmic joy? Or have you only used her to throw out your sexual energy? Have you reduced her into a commodity? She has been conditioned to accept it, but even this accepting cannot be joyful.
You make love on the same bed where you fight every day. In fact fighting is the preface: throwing pillows, shouting at each other, arguing about everything and then, feeling tired, some negotiation is needed. Your love is only a negotiation. If you are a man of aesthetic sensibility, your love chamber should be a sacred place, because it is in that love chamber that life is born. It should have beautiful flowers, incense, fragrance; you should enter into it with deep respect.
And love should not be just an abrupt thing – grab the woman. This hit-and-run affair is not love.
Love should have a preface of beautiful music, of dancing together, of meditating together. And love should not be a mind thing – that you are continuously thinking of how to make love and then go to sleep. Love should be a deeper involvement of your whole being, and it should not be projected by the mind, but should come out spontaneously.
Beautiful music, fragrance, you are dancing hand in hand, you have again become small children playing with flowers… If spontaneously love happens in this sacred atmosphere it will have a different quality.
You should understand that the woman is capable of multiple orgasms, because she does not lose any energy. Man is capable of only one orgasm and he loses energy, looks depressed. Even the next morning you can see his hangover, and as he goes on growing older it becomes more and more difficult.
This difference has to be understood. The woman is on the receptive end – she has to be, because she has to become a mother, she needs more energy. But her orgasm has a totally different way of happening. Man’s sexuality is local, like local anesthesia. A woman’s body is sexual all over, and unless her whole body starts trembling with joy, each cell of her body starts becoming involved, she cannot have an orgasmic explosion.
So it is not only in your case, it is the case for almost ninety-nine percent of women around the world.
The whole situation has to be changed. The woman should not be under the man. In the first place it is ugly – man has a stronger body, the woman is more fragile. She should be on top of the man, not the man on top of the woman.
Secondly, man should remain silent, inactive, so that his orgasm is not finished within two minutes.
If you are silent and let the woman go crazy on top of your chest it will give her good exercise and it will bring her to an explosion of orgasmic energy. It takes time for her whole body to warm up, and if you are not inactive there is no time. So you meet, but the meeting is not of beauty, of love, but just utilitarian.
Veetkam, try with your girlfriend what I am saying. You be the inactive partner and let her be the active partner. Allow her to be uninhibited. She has not to behave like a lady, she has to behave like an authentic woman. The lady is just created by man; woman is created by existence. You have to fill the gap between her orgasms. The gap can be filled in only one way, that you remain very inactive, silent, and enjoy her going crazy. And she will have multiple orgasms. You should end the game by your orgasm, but you should not begin with it.
And your woman will not call you a little boring. You will be a really interesting, real wonderful guy who is behaving like a lady! Keep your eyes closed so that she is not inhibited by your eyes. So she can do anything – movement of the hands, movement of the body, moaning, groaning, shouting…
Until she says, “Hari Om Tat Sat!” you are not allowed to be alive, you simply remain silent. This should be the indication. “Hari Om Tat Sat” simply means: this orgasmic explosion, this is the truth.
Then she will be mad after you. Right now you must be behaving stupidly, as most of the men in the world do.
Osho
