07 Jan Love they have enough, but understanding none, not at all. That’s why on the rocks of misunderstanding their love dies. (OSHO)
There is a need to withdraw and then to come together again; it is a rhythm. It is not a problem at all. You cannot be with a person for twenty-four hours in the same mood. No, when the need is not there, be separate.
A marriage is not something which is against divorce. It is something which is more than divorce. Many divorces happen in a marriage — every day there are many divorces — but the marriage survives. It is something more than divorce; it is not against.
If you love her, you will overcome the moments when you want to withdraw and go away. They come to everybody, they are natural, so don’t create a problem about them. When you don’t feel like being together and close, just go away. Because in being close you will feel like a prisoner.
She is not making a prisoner of you — you are making a prisoner of yourself. When you feel like going away just tell her to excuse you, and go away. She will understand because she has the same problem too. Everybody has the same problem, and we have to be understanding.
Sometimes one feels angry, and sometimes one doesn’t feel like loving. There is no problem — these are simple human moods.
You are not super-human… you are trying, but you are not yet, mm? Be human and accept all that is human; in absolute humanity, accept it. You would like to transcend it, but you cannot just jump out of it.
It has to be worked out slowly. Maturity will come by and by, through many crises, many conflicts, tensions and nightmares, through many times of going astray. By and by one matures. Life is a crucible.
Live a true and authentic life, mm? So from this moment, she is going to be insecure for three weeks, and you are going to be true.
If you really want to touch her, touch, otherwise don’t — because when you don’t want to touch, you touch is poisonous. It poisons you, it poisons her. It loses all meaning, and it becomes so dull that it is ugly, nauseous.
And the trouble is, if you go on touching her when you don’t want to, then even in those rare moments when you want to, your hand will lose the quality of touch. And those moments have to be preserved, they are the salt of life, and for those few moments one lives, so don’t destroy them.
When the idea comes to be close to her, to be near her, then be really close. Then you will not feel like a prisoner. You will feel a communion, a beautiful dance, a singing together, an ecstasy. Share your beautiful moments, but there is no need to harass each other by your ugly moments.
Love is one of the most difficult things to attain — and people think that it is simply available to everyone. It is difficult — more difficult than meditation, because you can do meditation alone.
For love, two are needed. Difficulties are multiplied. She has her difficulties, you have yours, and when you meet they multiply, they criss-cross, and the whole thing becomes a confusion.
But one has to grow out of it. Don’t be afraid, be brave…. And don’t make any problem — there is none.
Accept the rhythm of life. It is just like night and day: in the day you work, in the night you rest. If you are with her for one or two hours you enjoy it, but then you want to get away because the hunger is gone; one feels satisfied.
It is just like you are sitting down at the table, and you go on eating and eating and eating. The food is nourishing up to a point, to a certain limit, but then it creates nausea; if you go on it will make you vomit. The same food which would have become energy, becomes illness.
Remember, the same is true with a human relationship.
The love which can become nourishment will become nauseous. When the rhythm is broken, be alert — leave each other. Remain alone so that you can attain to a certain appetite to be together — a constant divorce and marriage.
Love is crazy, so you cannot make it sane. Love is insane – and that is the whole beauty of it! It
is not rational, it is not even reasonable. And this happens to everybody.
Sometimes you feel like being in it and sometimes you don’t feel like being in it. Sometimes you want to go away from the love object and sometimes you want to dissolve into the love object. Both are right – you are not to choose between these two. They are both together, two aspects of the same phenomenon.
You have to understand; it is not a question of choice, just a question of understanding. It is like
day and night together. You cannot always be in love – that is difficult. Impossible! Sometimes one
needs rest from love too.
So both these things will come up and down. Sometimes you are deeply in love and you don’t bother
about freedom. Sometimes you need your space and you think about freedom, and you don’t bother
about love. But both are true; one has to come to an understanding.
So if you are living with [him], create understanding, talk to each other, and understand that
sometimes he needs his space. And this is a problem: it may not happen at the same time to
both of you.
Sometimes you want to be with him and he wants to be alone – nothing can be done about it. Then you have to understand and leave him alone. Sometimes you want to be alone but he wants to come to you – then tell him that you are helpless!
So just create more and more understanding. That’s what lovers miss: love they have enough, but understanding none, not at all. That’s why on the rocks of misunderstanding their love dies. Love cannot live alone without understanding.
Alone, love is very foolish; with understanding, love can live a long life, a great life – of many joys shared, of many beautiful moments shared, of great poetic experiences. But that happens only through understanding.
Love can give you a small honeymoon, but that’s all. Only understanding can give you deep intimacy.
And each honeymoon is followed by depression, anger, frustration. Unless you grow in understanding, no honeymoon is going to be of any help; it is just like a drug.
So try to create more understanding with [him] too. And even some day if you separate, the understanding will be with you, will be with him, and that will be a gift of your love to each other.
Lovers can separate, but the understanding that has been gained through the other, in the company of the other, will always be with you.
That will remain as a gift – there can be no other gift. If you love a person, the only valuable gift that you can give to him is some quantity of understanding.
Being in Love
OSHO
