10 Jan A journey of love (LEO BUSCAGLIA)
Buddha once wrote that, “When we cease expecting, we have all things.” If we expect nothing, we arc always delighted. When we have expectations, no matter how much we get, we tend to expect more. We can hope that everyone w ill love us, but we cannot expect them to. In realizing this, we free ourselves and others of the burden of conforming to our expectations. When others say, “you must lose me. I’m your wife, husband, mother, brother, lover, etc.,” the)’ forget that love can only be given freely. And no matter how much we demand it, it will come only when it is freely offered.
Most of us enter relationships with a set of expectations that have been steadily accumulating and waiting for just the right person to fill them. If the list is long and the demands are rigid, the wait can be a lifetime. The whole idea that we expect others to behave in a prescribed manner or conform to a preset image denies them their most precious asset, their uniqueness, and puts them into the category of a commodity.
What attracts us to others are usually the qualities that make them unique. Instead of rejoicing in their uniqueness, we attempt to fit them into neat little categories and expect them to perform accordingly. How much better it would be to bury expectations and relate to the individual we love—as the remarkable, singularly unique person that he or she is. A person who will never come this way again.
Teachers must constantly avoid preconceived notions of their students for the simple reason that they become self- fulfilling prophecies. Students who are expected to perform a certain way because of their race, appearance, family, or background, invariably play the role in which they are cast and consequently are prevented from being themselves.
A friend of mine once told me that he was continually disenchanted with his dates. In each instance on a first dale, he was certain he would meet the love of his life. Of course, no girl could meet his requirements as wife, mother, housekeeper, entertainer, sex symbol. and conversationalist. It took him years of disappointment before he discovered that it was actually more fun (and certainly more realistic) to discover each girl as an individual, and allow her to reveal herself as she was. not as he dreamed her. He was soon happily married.
To avoid the inevitable disappointment of unfulfilled expectations, we should expect only of ourselves. In this way we will free others to be themselves while we stretch and grow to our fullest potential.
Bus 9 to paradise
Leo Buscaglia
