03 Mar To respect someone’s right to an opinion is an act of love (DON MIGUEL RUIZ & BARBARA EMRYS)
Think about the ideas that define
you—ideas that tell the world who you
are. You’re an activist or a volunteer.
You’re a workaholic. You’re a liberal or
a conservative. You’re loyal to a fault.
You’re God-fearing, patriotic, and the
number-one fan of your home team.
These may seem like admirable ways
to describe yourself, but have they
made your life easier? How much time ing your position? Do you criticize
people who describe themselves differently? Do you “lay down the law” to
your family and friends, expecting
them to be as fanatical as you are?
You may still want to start a war or
just win a few battles. Either way, opinions aren’t where your power lies.
They’re just opinions. A good argu-
ment is still just an argument.
Your beliefs and ideologies may
feel as if they are the heart and soul of
you, but they’re not. Cherished ideas
represent a way of thinking that makes
us feel safe and possibly even superior. We invest them with a lot of
emotional power, but they have no
power of their own. Ideas and ideolo-
gies influence the way we conduct our-
selves, which often feels right, but
they can also harm our ability to inter-
act and share time with others.
To respect someone’s right to an
opinion is an act of love. It’s a gift to
others to let them share their views.
It’s not so difficult to listen without
judgment. It’s not that weird to say, “I
don’t know,” and disarm the moment.
Let others know they have a valid
point. We don’t always have to be
right. We don’t ever have to be me.
Most of the battles we fight are in
our heads. We grapple with ideas and
constantly struggle with notions of
right and wrong. And then we take the
fight outside, arguing about truth and
lies, good and evil. Our way is briliant; their way is stupid. Like most
conflicts between nations, our wars
with other people are public decla-
rations of self-importance.
We have a tendency to defend ourselves, often as if we were defending human life.
Consider that for a moment: we’re de-
fending the integrity of something that
isn’t real. Maybe we’re afraid of losing
face, and that reveals the whole problem. We will lose our masks, in other
words. We will abandon pretense. Unable to support what we are not, we
will stand naked and authentic in front
of the world—which may be what
we’ve needed all along.
If we refuse to quit old habits and
pretenses, how can we experience the
truth of us? We will continue to be at
odds with the world. We will continue
to see injustice everywhere and make
our lives that much more difficult. The voice of me insists that we be right
and that everyone else be wrong, but
where do our ideas come from in the
first place? If we dare to incorporate
new ideas, what exactly is at stake?
Who needs to be shielded from that
disturbance? If we want peace of
mind, we won’t find it by arguing and
insisting.
We find unexpected peace when
we stop trying to defend ourselves.
The three questions
DON MIGUEL RUIZ & BARBARA EMRYS
