05 Apr These needs cannot be satisfied by trees. Only from another human being (ABRAHAM MASLOW)
PSYCHOTHERAPY AS A GOOD
HUMAN RELATIONSHIP
Any ultimate analysis of human, interpersonal relationships, e.g., friendship, marriage, etc., will show (1) that basic needs can be satisfied only
interpersonally, and (2) that the satisfactions of these needs are precisely
those we have already spoken of as the basic therapeutic medicines,
namely, the giving of safety, love, belongingness, feeling of worth, and
self-esteem.
We should inevitably in the course of an analysis of human relations
find ourselves confronted with the necessity, as well as tire possibility, of
differentiating good from poor relationships. Such a differentiation can
very fruitfully be made on the basis of the degree of satisfaction of the
basic needs brought about by the relationship. A relationship-friendship,
marriage, parent-child relation-would then be defined (in a limited
fashion) as psychologically good to the extent that it supported or improved belongingness, security, and self-esteem (and ultimately self-actualization) and bad to the extent that it did not.
These cannot be satisfied by trees, mountains, or even dogs. Only
from another human being can we get fully satisfying respect and protection :md love, and it is only to other human beings that we can give these
in the fullest measure. But these are precisely what we find good friends,
good sweethearts, good parents and children, good teachers and students giving to each other. These are the very satisfactions that we seek for from
good human relationship of any kind. And it is precisely these need gratifications that are the sine qua non preconditions for the production of
good human beings, which in turn is the ultimate (if not immediate) goal
of all psychotherapy.
Taking then the good friendships (whether between wife and husband, parent and child, or man and man) as our paradigms of the good
interpersonal relations, and examining them a bit more closely, we find
that they offer many more satisfactions than even those we have spoken
of. Mutual frankness, trust, honesty, lack of defensiveness, can all be seen
as having in addition to tl\eir face value, an additional expressive, catharti”c release value (see Chapter 10). A sound friendship permits also the
expression of a healthy amount of passivity, relaxation, childishness, and
silliness, sin~e if there is no danger and we are loved and respected for
ourselves rather than for any front we put on or role we play, we can be
as we really are, weak when we feel weak, protected when we feel confused, childish when we wish to drop the responsibilities of adulthood.
In addition, a really good relationship improves insight even in the Freudian sense, for a good friend or husband is one who feels free enough to
offer the equivalent of analytic interpretations for our consideration.
Nor have we spoken enough yet of what may broadly be called the
educational value of a good human relationship. We have desires not
only to be safe and to be loved, but also to know more and more, to be
curious, to unfold every wrapping and to unlock every door. Beyond this,
we have to reckon also with our basically philosophical impulses to structure the world, to understand it deeply, and to have it make sense. While a fine friendship or parent-child relation should offer much in this area, these satisfactions are or should be achieved to a special degree in a good therapeutic relationship.
Finally it might we well to say a word about the obvious (and therefore neglected) fact that it is as great a deli~l\t to love as to be loved.·
The open impulse to affection is severely inhibited in our culture as the
sexual and the hostile impulses–perhaps even more (442). We are allowed
open expression of affection in extraordinarily few relationships, perhaps’
in only three, the parent-ehild pair, the grandparent-grandchild pair,
and in married people and sweethearts, and even in these we know how
easily they can become strangulated and mixed with embarrassment,
guilt, defensiveness, playing a role, and with a struggle for dominance.
It is not enough stressed that a therapeutic relationship permits, even
encourages, open verbal expression of love and affection impulses. Only
here (as well as in the various “personal growth” groups) are they taken
for granted and expected, and only here are they consciously purged of
their unhealthy admixtures and then, thus cleansed, put to the best of
uses.
MOTIVATION AND PERSONALITY
ABRAHAM H.MASLOW
