02 Dec I am in a jam. I love three women. (OSHO)
I am in a jam. I love three women. This is hell, and this has been going on for three months. Now what to do?
You must be something of a man! One woman is enough. You need legal protection.
But if you have tolerated it patiently for three months, wait a little more. Time settles everything. And women are always more perceptive than men .
If you cannot do anything, they are bound to do something.
You must be a great soul — either so unconscious that even three women cannot create any trouble for you, or so enlightened that “Who cares?”
Three women, and you are not even married!
Love is significant, a good learning situation, but only a learning situation. One school is enough, three schools are too many. And with three women you will not be able to learn much, you will be in such a turmoil.
It is better to be with one, so that you can be more totally one with her, so that you can understand her and your own longings more clearly, so you are less clouded, less in anguish, because love in the beginning is only an unconscious phenomenon; it is biological, it is nothing very precious. Only when you bring your awareness to it, when you become more and more meditative about it, it starts becoming precious, it starts soaring high.
Intimacy with one woman or one man is better than having many superficial relationships. Love is not a seasonal flower, it takes years to grow.
And only when it grows does it go beyond biology, and start having something of the spiritual in it. Just being with many women or many men will keep you superficial — entertained maybe, but superficial; occupied certainly, but that occupation is not going to help in inward growth.
But a one-to-one relationship, a sustained relationship so that you can understand each other more closely, is tremendously beneficial.
Let trust grow so all barriers dissolve.
Come so close to each other that you can look deep into the woman and the woman can look deep into you.
Don’t be dishonest with each other.
And if you are having so many relationships you will be dishonest, you will be lying continually. You will have to lie, you will have to be insincere, you will have to say things which you don’t mean — and they all will suspect. It is very difficult to create trust with a woman if you are having some other relationship.
It is easy to deceive a man because he lives through the intellect; it is very difficult, almost impossible to deceive a woman because she lives intuitively. You will not be able to look directly into her eyes; you will be afraid that she may start reading your soul, and so many deceptive things you are hiding, so many dishonesties.
So if you are having many relationships you will not be able to dive deep into the psyche of the woman. And that is the only thing that is needed: to know your own inner feminine part. Relationship becomes a mirror. The woman starts looking into you and starts finding her own masculine part; the man looks into the woman and starts discovering his own femininity.
But playing with many people will keep you superficial, entertained, occupied, but not growing; and the only thing that matters ultimately is growth, growth of integration, individuality, growth of a center in you.
And that growth needs that you should know your other part. The easiest approach is to know the woman on the outside first, so that you can know the woman inside.
Just like a mirror — the mirror reflects your face, it shows you your face — the woman becomes your mirror, the man becomes your mirror. The other reflects your face, but if you are having so many mirrors around you and running from one mirror to another and deceiving each mirror about the other you will be in a chaos, you will go nuts.
Ancient Music in the Pines