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Being able to understand another’s viewpoint and forgive is the sign of real strength (ARUN GANDHI)

Being able to understand another’s viewpoint and forgive is the sign of real strength (ARUN GANDHI)

Anger to people is like gas to the automobile—it fuels you to move forward and get to a better place. Without it, we would not be motivated to rise to a challenge. It is an energy that compels us to define what is just and unjust.

Sometimes we think we want to resolve conflicts, but our methods just make things worse. We turn angry and intimidating, thinking we will make people do what we want. But attacks and criticism and threats of punishment backfire with both children and adults. Our angry responses cause the battles to escalate.

We become bullies, not realizing that bullies ultimately aren’t powerful at all. Those who display meanness and a berating style on the playground, in business, or in political campaigns are usually the weakest and most insecure.

Bapuji taught me that being able to understand another’s viewpoint and forgive is the sign of real strength. Bapuji explained that we spend a lot of time building strong and healthy bodies but not enough time building a strong and healthy mind. If our mind isn’t under our control, we get angry and snap and say or do something we later regret.

There are probably dozens of times in each day when we feel that surge of anger or frustration and have to decide how to respond. A colleague at work says something, and we give a snippy reply, or we get an irritating e-mail and fire back without thinking. We even let our anger hurt the people we love the most, our children or spouse. They disappoint us or say something we disagree with, and we lash out.

Our words can irreparably hurt the people we should be treating with kindness and love—and we don’t realize that the anger is hurting us too. Think how miserable you feel when you’re being insulting or cruel to someone. Your body tenses and your mind feels like it’s on fire. You get consumed by your outburst and can’t focus on anything else. Anger narrows your world so that all you can see is the insult of the moment. Maybe later you calm down and go back to apologize, but the harm is already done.

When we react rashly and lash out, it’s as if we have shot bullets that can’t be put back in the gun.

We have to remember that we have the option to react differently.

 

 

 

The Gift of Anger and other lessons from my grandfather Mahatma Gandhi

Arun Gandhi



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