{"id":17725,"date":"2021-02-17T00:02:37","date_gmt":"2021-02-16T22:02:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lecturesbureau.gr\/1\/?p=17725&lang=en"},"modified":"2021-02-16T22:23:44","modified_gmt":"2021-02-16T20:23:44","slug":"throwing-away-the-labels","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lecturesbureau.gr\/1\/throwing-away-the-labels\/?lang=en","title":{"rendered":"Throwing away the labels (WAYNE DYER)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Who are you? How do you describe yourself? To answer these two questions, you will very likely have to refer to your own history, to a past that has been lived through, but to which you are undoubtedly tied, and from which you find it difficult to escape<\/p>\n

All self-labels come out of an individual\u2019s history. But the past, as Carl Sandburg said in <\/span>Prairie,<\/i><\/span> \u2018\u2018is a bucket of ashes.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Check yourself out on the extent to which you arc chained to your past. All self-defeating \u2018Tins\u201d are the result of the use of these four neurotic sentences:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \u2018\u2018That\u2019s me.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. \u201cI\u2019ve always been that way.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  3. \u201cI can\u2019t help it.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  4. \u201cThat\u2019s my nature.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    There they are in one little package. The connectors that keep you from growing, changing and making your life (from this instant <\/span>on\u2014<\/span>which is all the life you have) new, exciting and heaped with present-moment fulfillment.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Your I\u2019ms which describe self-canceling behavior can be traced to something that you’ve learned in the past. And every time you use one of these four sentences you are really saying, \u201cAnd 1 intend to continue being the way I’ve always been.\u201d<\/p>\n

    You can begin to unknot the ropes that link you to your past and eliminate the fruitless sentences which are spoken to keep you just as you’ve always been.<\/p>\n

    Here is a typical list of “I’ms” that may be included in your own self-portrait.<\/i><\/p>\n

    I’m shy.<\/p>\n

    I’m lazy<\/p>\n

    I’m timid.<\/p>\n

    I’m afraid.<\/p>\n

    I’m clumsy<\/p>\n

    I’m anxious<\/p>\n

    I’m forgetful<\/p>\n

    I’m poor at Mathematics.<\/p>\n

    I’m a lousy cool.<\/p>\n

    I’m a poor speller.<\/p>\n

    I’m tired easily<\/p>\n

    I’m apathetic<\/p>\n

    I’m hostile<\/p>\n

    I’m careless<\/p>\n

    I’m irresponsible<\/p>\n

    I’m nervous<\/p>\n

    I’m not musical<\/p>\n

    I’m not athletic<\/p>\n

    I’m mechanical.<\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n

    You are probably in there several times, or perhaps you are conjuring up your own list. The point is not which labels you choose, but that you choose to label yourself at all. If you are genuinely satisfied with any of the I\u2019ms, then let them be, but if you can admit to any of these or other 1\u2019ms getting in your way at times, it\u2019s time to make some changes. Let\u2019s begin with an understanding of the origins of the I\u2019ms.<\/p>\n

    How <\/b><\/span>Those<\/b><\/i><\/span> \u201cI’ms\u201d G<\/b><\/span>ot Started<\/b><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

    The antecedents to your I\u2019ms fall into two categories. The first kind of labels come from other people. They were pinned on you as a child and you carry them around with you to this day. The other labels are the result of a choice you made to keep from having to do uncomfortable or difficult chores.<\/p>\n

    The first category is by far the most prevalent. Little Hope is in the second grade. She goes to her art class every day, full of delight about coloring and dabbling in paint. Her teacher tells her that she really isn\u2019t all that good, and she begins to stay away from it because she doesn\u2019t like disapproval. Before long, she has the beginning of an I\u2019m. I\u2019m not good at art. With enough avoidance behavior she reinforces this notion and, as an adult, when asked why she doesn\u2019t draw, she says, \u201cOh, I\u2019m not good at it. I\u2019ve always been that <\/span>way\u201d <\/span>Most I\u2019ms are leftovers, hangers-on from a time when you heard such sentences as: \u201cHe\u2019s kind of clumsy; his brother is good at athletics, but he\u2019s the studious one.\u201d Or, \u201cYou\u2019re just like me, I was never good at spelling either.\u201d Or, \u201cBilly was always the shy one.\u201d Or, \u201cShe\u2019s just like her father; he couldn\u2019t carry a tune with a wheelbarrow.\u201d These are the birth rites to a lifetime of I\u2019ms that never get challenged. They are simply accepted as a condition of life.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Human uses his I\u2019ms to avoid something he genuinely wants. A colleague of mine employs them to get out of tasks he doesn\u2019t enjoy. He avoids having to fix the doorbell, or the radio, or any unpleasant handyman activity by simply reminding his wife, \u201cNow you know, dear, I\u2019m just not mechanical.\u201d These kinds of I\u2019ms are adaptive behaviors, but they are nevertheless delusional excuses. Instead of saying, \u201cI find this kind of activity dull or uninteresting, and I choose not to work at it in my present moments (which is perfectly logical and healthy)\u201d it becomes easier to simply haul out an I\u2019m.<\/p>\n

    In these cases, the individuals are saying something about themselves. They are stating, \u201cI am a finished product in this area, and I am never going to be any different.\u201d If you are a finished product, all tied up and put away, you have stopped growing, and while you may very well want to hang onto some I\u2019ms you may find that others are simply limiting and self-destructive.<\/p>\n

    Keep in mind that this is not a discussion of the things that you just plain don\u2019t enjoy, but rather a look at behavior that keeps you from activities from which you might choose a great deal of pleasure and excitement.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Typical <\/b><\/i><\/span>\u201cI<\/b><\/i><\/span>‘ms<\/b><\/i><\/span>” <\/b><\/i><\/span>Categories<\/b><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

      \n
    1. \n

      I\u2019m poor at math, spelling, reading, languages, etc. <\/b><\/i><\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      This I\u2019m guarantees that you won\u2019t put in the effort required to change. The academic I\u2019m is designed to keep you from ever having to do the hard work involved in mastering subject matter that you have traditionally found difficult or boring. As long as you label yourself inept, you have a built-in reason to avoid tackling it.<\/p>\n

        \n
      1. I’m lousy at some skill areas such as cooking, sports, crocheting, drawing, acting, etc<\/b><\/i><\/span>.<\/i><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        This I\u2019m assures that you won\u2019t have to do any of these things in the future and justifies any poor performance in the past. “I\u2019ve always been that way; it\u2019s just my nature.\u201d This attitude reinforces your inertia and, more important, it helps you to hang on to the absurd notion that you shouldn\u2019t do anything if you don\u2019t do it really well. Thus, unless you\u2019re the world champion, avoidance is better than doing.<\/p>\n

          \n
        1. \n

          I\u2019m shy, reserved, temperamental, nervous, afraid, etc.<\/b><\/i><\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

          The call is to genetics for these I\u2019ms. Rather than challenging them and the self-destructive thinking which supports them, you simply accept them as a confirmation of the way you\u2019ve always been. Also, you can blame your parents, and use them as the reason for your current I\u2019m. You make them the cause and don’t have to work at being different. You choose this behavior as a way to avoid being assertive in situations which have always been troublesome for you. This is a leftover I\u2019m from a childhood in which others had an inherent interest in having you believe that you were incapable of thinking for yourself. These are the personality I\u2019ms. These self-definitions help you to avoid the difficult situation of trying to be different what you\u2019ve always been. You simply define your personality with a convenient I\u2019m and you can now excuse all kinds of self-forfeiting behaviors as out of your control. You negate the notion that you can choose your own personality, and rely instead on your genetic misfortune to explain away all of those personality traits that you would like to disown.<\/p>\n

            \n
          1. \n

            I\u2019m clumsy, uncoordinated, etc.<\/b><\/i><\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

            These I\u2019ms that you learned as a child enable you to avoid potential ridicule that might come your way because you aren\u2019t as physically skilled as others. Of course, your lack of skill comes from a history of believing those I\u2019ms and hence avoiding physical activity, rather than from some inherent defect. You get good at what you practice, not what you shun. Keep your I\u2019m and stay on the sidelines watching and wishing, but pretending that you really don’t like that sort of thing<\/p>\n

            \u00a0 5. I’m unattractive, ugly, big-boned, plain, too tall, etc.<\/b><\/i><\/p>\n

            These physiological I\u2019ms are helpful in keeping you from taking risks with the opposite sex, and in justifying the poor self-image and lack of love you\u2019ve chosen for yourself. As long as you describe yourself in this fashion, you have a ready-made excuse for not putting yourself on the line in a love relationship. And you don\u2019t have to work at looking attractive to yourself, as well. You use your mirror as justification for not taking a chance. There\u2019s only one problem: we see exactly what we choose to\u2014even in mirrors<\/p>\n

            \u00a06. I’m unorganized, meticulous, sloppy, etc.<\/b><\/i><\/p>\n

            These behavioral l\u2019ms are convenient for manipulating others and in justifying why things have to be done a certain way. I\u2019ve always done it that way. As if tradition were a reason to do anything. And I\u2019ll always do it that way is the unstated message. By relying upon the way you\u2019ve always done it, you don\u2019t ever have to entertain the risky notion of ensure that everyone around you will do it your way as well. This is the I\u2019m that calls upon \u201cpolicy\u201d as a substitute for thinking.<\/p>\n

            7.I\u2019m forgetful, careless, irresponsible, apathetic, etc.<\/b><\/i><\/p>\n

            These kinds of I\u2019ms are especially useful to you when you want to vindicate yourself for some ineffective behavior. The I\u2019m keeps you from ever going to work on your memory, or your carelessness, and you simply excuse yourself with your neat little, \u201cThat\u2019s me.\u201d As long as you can haul out this I\u2019m when you behave in any of the ways described above, you will never have to work at changing. Just go on forgetting and reminding yourself that you can\u2019t really help it, and you\u2019ll always be forgetful.<\/p>\n

            8.I\u2019m Italian, German, Jewish, Irish, Black, Chinese, etc.<\/b><\/i><\/p>\n

            These are your ethnic I\u2019ms, and they work very well when you run out of other reasons to explain some behaviors that you have, which don\u2019t work for you, but are just too damned difficult to tackle. Whenever you find yourself behaving in stereotypical ways associated with your subculture, you simply trot out your ethnic I’m as a justification. I once asked a maitre d\u2019 why he seemed so excitable and reacted to the slightest problem with outrageous outbursts. He responded, \u201cWhat do you expect from me? I\u2019m Italian. I can\u2019t help it.\u201d<\/p>\n

            9.I’m old, middle-aged, tired, etc.<\/b><\/i><\/p>\n

            With this I\u2019m you can use your age as a reason for not participating in what might be risky or threatening activities. Whenever you find yourself faced with an activity such as a sports event, dating after a divorce or the death of a spouse, traveling, or something similar, you say \u201cI’m very old\u201d and you have eliminated any attendant risks that go with trying something new and growth-producing.<\/p>\n

            Certainly it is easier to describe yourself than to change. Perhaps you ascribe the reasons for your labels to your parents, or to other significant adults in your childhood such as your teachers, neighbors, grandparents and the like. By giving them responsibility for your present-day I\u2019m you\u2019ve given them a measure of control over your life today, elevated them to a higher position than you and ingeniously created an alibi for staying in your ineffective condition. A neat little payoff indeed, and one that provides you with a warranty against any risk-taking. If it\u2019s the \u201cculture\u2019s\u201d fault that you have this I\u2019m, you can\u2019t do anything about it.<\/p>\n

            Some Strategies for Freeing Yourself from the Past and Eliminating Your Vexing Vms<\/b><\/i><\/p>\n

            Leaving the past behind involves taking risks. You have become accustomed to your self-definitions. In many cases they function as a support system in your daily life. Some specific strategies for eliminating those I\u2019ms include:<\/p>\n